Any professional Help/Advice?

436 Views 16 Replies 10 Participants Last post by Bowe R1, Jan 2, 2004

eatinwokout

Discussion Starter · Jan 1, 2004

A friend of mine is between a rock and a hard place and keeps asking me what I would do. But I have no idea. Here's the situation:

He dated this girl in highschool for like a year(so naturally they have some history together), they break up his junior year and they never talk to each other again. Fast forward to 2003/2004...its been 4 years since they've seen each other, they hook up on the fall and keep in touch(she lives in Cali). Then she moves back to seattle late fall and they start seeing each other again. Then they find out that they are pregnant. He's 20, she's 21. They decide to keep the baby and stay together. At the same time he has been staying at a mutual friends apartment(a female). His pregnant girlfriend finds a way to access his email and finds out that that he has been sleeping at this girls apartment, she flips out and goes crying to her parents. But he doesn't cheat on his girlfriend. But he did lie about where he was at night. Now he isn't allowed to see his pregnant girlfriend and the parents don't want him around. He wants to be the father of the child but has no idea what to do. On the same side his parents are telling him not to contact the girl. I keep telling him that if things are meant to be she will eventually come back. But its not looking very good for him. The baby is due late may early june. Is there anything legal that he can do?

So...anyway. Should he give up or try something?

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Gage151

· #2 · Jan 1, 2004

if he wants to be a father he will do whatever it takes.. Her parents have no say in it. If he is a drug addicted alcholic and just unfit then the courts will do what they see fit. Just hope they each have about 20K to prove it or not. If he keeps it honest things will go much smoother.

One thing I have learned in recent months is that it looks better to the courts to show that you care and have the childs best interest in mind. DO NOT try to make the other parent look bad. If they have faults they will rise on their own without his help.

OR, he can just be honest and not have to worry about this shit happening. Food for thought. There is always 2 sides to a story and it usually ends somewhere in the middle.

Gage151

· #3 · Jan 1, 2004

PS. Keep the fucking Parents out of it. They are biased and usually add fuel to the fire. IMO

eatinwokout

Discussion Starter · #4 · Jan 1, 2004

Hmmm...well the dad is not letting him see her. So would it be best for him to keep living his life and wait for the baby to be born? He is trying to keep the parents out of it but can't by her father. And he is a good guy, works and goes to school.

Romeo

· #5 · Jan 2, 2004

dude, your friend needs to get a hold of the chick somehow and tell her whats the deal.....

I guess he could tell his "room mate" to talk to the girl but that could add fuel to the fire.

I personally think he was/ is sticking his room mate, otherwise what the fuck did he say in his emails to hint that he was rooming with her??:confused keep us posted, this is a good online drama!

Seriously though, i hope shit works out for him dude.

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SilverSurfer777

· #6 · Jan 2, 2004

Gage151 said:
PS. Keep the fucking Parents out of it. They are biased and usually add fuel to the fire. IMO

WERD!!:rant

eatinwokout

Discussion Starter · #7 · Jan 2, 2004

omarnur said:
dude, your friend needs to get a hold of the chick somehow and tell her whats the deal.....

I guess he could tell his "room mate" to talk to the girl but that could add fuel to the fire.

I personally think he was/ is sticking his room mate, otherwise what the fuck did he say in his emails to hint that he was rooming with her??:confused keep us posted, this is a good online drama!

Seriously though, i hope shit works out for him dude.

The only thing in the emails that hinted that he was hanging out at his friends apartment was something like: "...[friend], thanks for waking up cleaning the kitchen after last nights dinner."

He never poked his friend but I think the combination of email and him telling her that he was staying at his cousins apartment instead of his friends made her flip.

The major problem is that he can't get ahold of his pregnant girl. She changed her cell and the only way to reach her is through the father. And the father will not talk to him, let alone give him the new number.

wingzero

· #8 · Jan 2, 2004

it sounds childish..... the girl will get sad and come back to him to tell him to wait it out... and i second everythign gage said jigglet!

TLRMAN

· #9 · Jan 2, 2004

Just tell him to cut off any talk with her at the time. She will make contact with him on her own. If he persists on trying to break her and talk to her he will screw things up let her take the first steps not him.

Romeo

· #10 · Jan 2, 2004

TLRMAN said:
Just tell him to cut off any talk with her at the time. She will make contact with him on her own. If he persists on trying to break her and talk to her he will screw things up let her take the first steps not him.

thats a good point too.... my friend made up this rule of thumb to resolve any relationship conflicts (it worked for me too) don't call, email, talk to or anything to the person for one whole week... If he/ she really likes you, he/ she will be calling, or emailing or trying to get a hold of you......
other than that, maybe he might want to talk to a mutual friend of his and his girl's.... not the dad of course....

its never fun when dad gets involved, I've had dad's threaten to kill me over the phone!:eek NO DEALS!!

eatinwokout

Discussion Starter · #11 · Jan 2, 2004

Well its been over month already since they've spoken, is it still recommeded that he not make contact. Maybe it takes a little longer for a pregnant girlfriend to understand?

imagine32000

· #12 · Jan 2, 2004

eatinwokout said:
Well its been over month already since they've spoken, is it still recommeded that he not make contact. Maybe it takes a little longer for a pregnant girlfriend to understand?

No contact. She'll talk when she's ready. Persistence with this type of thing only makes it worse.

- Matt

Gage151

· #13 · Jan 2, 2004

If he shows a lack of interest or concern to the (unborn) childs well being, it could hurt him if he wants to be a large part of the childs life. Now if she denies him in any way of that of the child, it could benifit him.

This girl is either a fucking nut, her parents still buy the toilet paper and wipe her ass for her, or there is alot that we do not know.

I guess all of the above. and a majority being the latter.

If he wasnt sticking it to the girl he was staying with then why was it a secret.

Normally I would "say" this guy is a fucking idiot for lying in the first place and deserves to get curbed, but I dont know him, you or the whole story so I will just sit hear and "think" it until I know otherwise.

Mr. Clean

· #14 · Jan 2, 2004

adoption.

Smokin_Joe

· #15 · Jan 2, 2004

Mr. Clean said:
adoption.

+1

Bowe R1

· #16 · Jan 2, 2004

omarnur said:
thats a good point too.... my friend made up this rule of thumb to resolve any relationship conflicts (it worked for me too) don't call, email, talk to or anything to the person for one whole week...

Omar is this why you haven't been calling me? :2kitty

Bowe R1

· #17 · Jan 2, 2004

Ok seriously though take it from somebody who HAS a "BABY MOMMA" - if this "couple" already lacks the necessary communication skills it would take to explain and work out a situation like this...they are pretty much doomed from the get go.
If he wants to be involved with the kid's life he had better just go ahead and get a lawyer because that girl with utilize her parents anger and cash and they will do everything they can to make it not possible for him to be involved with the baby.
The only way he will be involved is writing a nice check the size of three bike payments every month to her thanks to the state of Washington.
TELL HIM TO leave it alone and get a lawyer to ensure him of his rights as the dad. If their relationship works out, so be it, but he must take care of covering his ass too. THAT is HIS KID TOO, just because it comes out of her makes no difference. This is the only way he can prove he is serious about this responsibility of fatherhood.

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