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These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
__________________________________________________
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year
__________________________________________________
Q: What gear were you in at moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
__________________________________________________
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something you've forgotten?

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Q: How old is your son, the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
__________________________________________________
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
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Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
_______________________________________
Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
________________________________________
Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for 10 years. I even went to school for it.
_________________________________________________
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
________________________________________________
Q: The youngest son, the 20-year old, how old is he?
________________________________________________
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
__________________________________________________
Q: So the date of conception of (the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
_______________________________________________
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
_________________________________________________
Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
_______________________________________________
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male or a female?
_________________________________________________
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice that I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
_______________________________________________
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
_________________________________________________
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
_________________________________________________
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

_________________________________________________
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
__________________________________________________
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
_________________________________________________
Judge: "Well Sir, I have reviewed this case and I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."
Husband: "That's fair, your honor. I'll try to send her a few bucks
myself."
 

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thats really fucking funny...
scary thing is, I believe people are actually dumb enough to say stuff like that
 

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GOOD ONES! Now mine. True story. Small rural county where the Sheriff is pretty much king. Sheriff is in court testifying. Defense ask if he is testifying from notes.
Sheriff: Yes I am
Defense: May I see them?
Sheriff hands defense a matchbook he has scribbled TONS of notes on. Even wrote on the matches themselves.
Defense: Sheriff, how do you expect me to be able to read this?
Sheriff: Learned counsel, I am responsible for alot of things in this county, but your education ain't one of them.
 

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'Nother one

So Officer how far away where you when you claim to have seen my client?
Officer: I would say 100'
Defense: 100'! Officer just how far can you see?
Officer: Well I can see the sun. How far is that??
 

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Avery said:
'Nother one

So Officer how far away where you when you claim to have seen my client?
Officer: I would say 100'
Defense: 100'! Officer just how far can you see?
Officer: Well I can see the sun. How far is that??

I love that one. It makes me laugh.
 

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I love reading about the dumb people of our society.

I think the funniest ones are the smart ass ones just like the autopsy one :laughing
 

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So Rob do you have Uncle John's Bathroom Reader's as well???

Peace Out
 

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LOL good stuff!
 

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YZFRob said:
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
_________________________________________________
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
________________________________________________
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
_________________________________________________
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
__________________________________________________
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
_________________________________________________
Judge: "Well Sir, I have reviewed this case and I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."
Husband: "That's fair, your honor. I'll try to send her a few bucks
myself."
Those are the good ones. :laughing

:rolleyes People can be so stupid sometimes. :redflip
 

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Q: So doctor, you said he was shot int the woods?
A: No I said he was shot in the lowar lumbar region

That is one of my favroites of all time

Peace Out
 
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