[nead2speed]

Does anyone here think that their significant other drink too much? What did you do to steer them away? She doesn't drink around me that much cause she knows I don't like the way she acts, but when she's around her friends it's a different story.

 

[Milo]

My ex-girlfriend was on the verge of being a full blown alcoholic.

She would drink fairly often, and she would drink to blackout nearly ever stinking time. She was in her late 20's at the time...not some college kid.

It was all fine and well for a while. I certainly didn't want to be a prude about her having a good time, but she was a mess when she drank. She would sob uncontrollably about some ridiculous little thing that never made any sense. She never actually got behind the wheel, but only because I forced her into my car to drive her home.

She once got pissed at the people she was hanging out with at a bar one night. She started to walk home (an 8 or 9 mile walk). She ended up calling me at 3:00 in the morning from the side of the road to come pick her up.

That one was especially fun. She had told me earlier that she didn't want to hang out with me as previously planned. She said she was tired and wanted to get some rest. Only after finding her sorry ass on the side of the road did I come to find that she had been drinking it up with her ex-husband and that he was one of the people she had gotten pissed at during the night.

There were too many times I had to hold her hair from her face so she could puke her guts out. There were too many times I had to carry her back to the house after she passed out. It was a mess, but it was hard to see it for what it was at the time. Looking back on it, I can't understand why I put up with it for even a moment.

Oddly enough, we didn't break up because of the drinking. She swore off alcohol, and actually stuck to her guns for nearly a year. We broke up for other reasons that became all the more clear as time went on.

My advice: Talk to her about it. Be up front about it. If you're not sure it's a problem, then just discuss it rather than making accusations. Beyond that, map it out for yourself to figure out how things really are. It's so easy to get caught up in something like that without being able to see the bigger picture until you have plenty of distance.

If she becomes combative, then make choices for yourself. You can love a person all you want, but that love won't correct the bigger problem. Keep yourself healthy. If she chooses to join you in the long run, then so be it. Be willing to give her a chance to correct the issue and to be there for her. If she's not willing, then move on. If she's a responsible and occasional drinker, then she may not have a serious problem...but you should still make it a topic of conversation because you are bothered by it, and she is reacting to that.

 

[ASDGirl]

I just make sure he has a safe way to get home (me). If he drinks too much he starts acting like the biggest asshole to me but I'd rather him be an ass and get home safe than be an ass and get his ass kicked or something, lol. I can't really steer him away. He knows he's done when he's passed out on the floor, lol, or when he notices things are too blurry or moving around too much.. he'll slow down a bit, but there's nothing I can do to stop him so to speak. I don't want to say he drinks too much but he does drink too much at one time. He's definitely not an alcoholic and doesn't have a drinking problem. I just have to go with the flow. I make sure he stays around his friends more than me or I get pissed off because he's acting like a fucking retard, lol.

 

[Reyndogg]

Milo and I have similar experience.

I think my X-gf is a full on alcoholic. If i would ever mention her drinking she would explode in rage and tell me about every bad habit I have, and never once admit she drings too much. I'm sorry, a 12 pack and some shots of tequilla 5 or 6 nights a week (by her self) is too much.

Last Christmas she left my uncle's house after 20 min. bc she "didnt feel good", so while she was at my mom's for under 2 hrs alone she drank 8 beers and some shots. My mom knew right away, and gave me the look. When you make MY mom who is cool as can be notice your drinking isses they must be pretty bad :shake

In the end, I didn't realize it was as bad as it was. Months have gone by since I broke up w/her and she still calls me - hell she called at 1122 last night, wasted, telling me how I need to donate extra clothes to the homeless then at and 1124pm telling me the clothes she donated were clothes she had of mine and she hopes someone appreciates them and her - unlike me :beat

whew!

 

[Jester27]

How can I hide this thread from my wife?

seriously though, does she hide it around you or is it just with her friends? If she drinks when she's with all her friends, then maybe she doesn't have a problem. If she drinks alone or gets fall-down drunk when she's with her friends, then she has a problem. Hopefully she's not driving drunk.

 

[nead2speed]

Jester27 said:
How can I hide this thread from my wife?

seriously though, does she hide it around you or is it just with her friends? If she drinks when she's with all her friends, then maybe she doesn't have a problem. If she drinks alone or gets fall-down drunk when she's with her friends, then she has a problem. Hopefully she's not driving drunk.

She doesn't like it when I drink a lot cause sometimes I am too sesitive and I flip out. So I also told her I don't like it when she drinks alot. She doesn't drink very much at all around me but drinks a lot when I am not around. I just hope it doesn't happen around me cause I don't like loud drunks so we get into arguments everytime we drink in excess together. My last relationship was the same way.

Maybe finding girlfriends at bars isn't a good idea!

 

[2up]

My ex-husband did/does have a drinking problem. When we were together he drank on pretty much a daily basis. A couple beers a night. That was no big deal in the grand scheme of things.

What was a big deal was the nights that became all too frequent that he would buy a 1/5 of Jim Beam, and a 2 liter of Mountain Dew and do shots of Beam with a Mt Dew chaser. His purpose for drinking was all too often to get drunk and depressed. He would put on the most SAD country music he could find and just drink himself into a pathetic pile of idiot. :shake

If we went out and he got drunk he would often pick fights. I'll never forget being 6 months pregnant and going to some stupid country music thing (the downtown hoedown :rolleyes) and him getting stupid drunk and picking a fight. The guy he was fighting with pulled a knife and cut my ex's face. I had to step in the middle, literally, to get them to stop.

Then there were the times after I had the kids that he'd go out, get drunk, come home and wake the kids up. Or push me around because I was upset that he was spending all the money we had on booze. He admitted his problem once, and went to AA, once. I went to Al Anon twice before he told me I couldn't go anymore.

The worst night was after I told him I thought I wanted a divorce. He came home drunk, woke me up by turning the lights on and blasting "We were swingin" on the radio 'cause he knew I hated it, verbally abused me for a while, then pinned me to the bed and kept punching the bed very close to my face to make me think he was going to hit me. And then he forced me to have sex with him. That was when I knew I had to get away.

Before anyone asks how he got custody of our kids, the only official records of his drinking problems are in his military records, and I couldn't get them released to me for court. He had quit drinking for many years after he got custody, but apparently took it up again last June when his wife left him. He put my kids through hell until about a month and a half ago staying out all night and driving home drunk while they waited up for him. I guess he's stopped now because my kids threw down (verbally) with him about it. Which does not make me want to kill him any less when I get there Saturday.

Sorry about the long post and quasi hijack. This issue has been tearing me apart for about the last 2 months. Alchoholism SUCKS!! If you think your SO drinks too much, be supportive of helping her see it, but don't be sucked into it. And don't be afraid to look out for yourself.

 

[RtypeNYC]

interesting question. I know a chick (somebody else's girlfriend, not mine :thumb) that drinks to the point that she forgets the events of the night before... including whether she had sex with whomever she was drinking with AND whether she requested condoms. :jawdrop

good luck.

 

[nead2speed]

I can't stand annoying, sloppy drunk people anymore. I used to be a bouncer a couple years ago and I don't know how I did it.

But there are some pretty bad stories you guys have. Damn, once my ex told me she was staying home for the night. I had a bad feeling cause she didn't call me all night and she usually did. Well, she apparently went out, got drunk, started a fight, and went to jail. For punishment cause she lied I let her stay in jail for over a week! DON'T LIE TO ME!

 

[joel647]

I dated a girl a few summers ago who was often lucky that she could make it the block home from mainstreet to my house and the third time she had alcohol poisoning in a month I had to tell her that if she didn't have a higher regard for herself than there was no reason for me bothering to . It might make me an asshole , but I don't think anyone can do anything about their issues until they realize that they own them and while I'll be supportive , rountinely saying *I've got to ...* isn't taking a step in the right direction and I'm not about to drag anyone . I'm an OK boyfriend but I am not a counsellor .

I don't drink alcohol at all- but admit to having a hard time gauging what is normal for someone to drink as I'm not around people drinking more than socially . eg : One of my friends GF's drinks a bottle of red wine a night - to me , that's a lot but her tolorance is that it's just a warm glow so honestly , I don't know if she has a problem or not . She isn't dysfunctional but she does drink a full bottle every night to be at least somewhat inebriated so I guess there is dependancy there . :shrug

 

[xxblade]

2up your story makes me sad But unfortunatly this is how it often ends when the alcohol steps in. I hope you have moved on in your llife.

My wife does not have an alcohol problem anymore, but when we were younger she would turn into an arsehole OR she would would turn a horny litlle bitch when she got drunk....the horny part i had no problems with but the problem was that it was 50/50 which way she would go still brings back some terrible memories.

My inlaws are both serius alcoholics and have been since my wife was a small girl, not a week goes by without they come by or call us on the phone and just talk nonsense.........Not a problem once, but know when we have kids i HATE IT !!!!
Atleast this year we wont have to spend Christmas evening with them since we are staying home just the four of us......Im really looking forward to it.


Alcoholism sucks and ruin so many things..........

 

[2up]

xxblade said:
2up your story makes me sad But unfortunatly this is how it often ends when the alcohol steps in. I hope you have moved on in your llife.

Oh yeah, I left him 14 years ago so I'm good. As long as he doesn't start drinking again and stressing my kids out, all is well! Thanks though!

 

[guiltyspot]

Nope:shake Thank god!

 

[Vendetta]

joel647 said:
One of my friends GF's drinks a bottle of red wine a night - to me , that's a lot but her tolorance is that it's just a warm glow so honestly , I don't know if she has a problem or not . She isn't dysfunctional but she does drink a full bottle every night to be at least somewhat inebriated so I guess there is dependancy there . :shrug

That sounds like me. I'll have a bottle of wine a night and actually get drunk on the weekends, but for the life of me I can't understand how people can go get all trashed and then pick fights or be abusive. Especially if they do that regularly, what are they thinking? They're hurting the people that care for them and they're hurting themselves. If I ever got to the point where it was causing problems for others, I would get help. It's usually just a mellow buzz during the week, and a little bit more on the weekends but I can't remember the last time I got sick from drinking.

If I was that person, the stupid obnoxious "pile of idiot" :laughing , I don't know what I would want people to say to me. I'm rather passive so I have a hard time imagining I'd go off on someone who would say I need help, but if it were my SO I'd have to bring it up rather matter-of-factly. The fact that she doesn't drink much around you shows that she cares what you think, which is good, but it may also lead to resentment because if she "can't" drink around you she'll start to want to not hang out with you. You could broach the subject with that, and she may even eventually be happy you're doing something about it because she is torn between her love for you and her resentment for you.

V

 

[nead2speed]

Well the dumb drunk bitch ruined Christmas night. She took some shots of Rumplemans and it was all downhill from there. She yelled at me, I flipped out, she threatned to call the cops on me, and I left. MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY 1 YEAR ANIVERSARY!

 

[kat_600]

An ex boyfriend of mine was an annoying drunk. I would do everything I could to help, but nothing worked. I know....you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. And while it may have been extremely selfish on my part, I ended the relationship. I have two small children who need the majority of my attention and just don't have the time or patience for that in my life.

 

[Ride22West]

Cut the cord man...

 

[nead2speed]

Ride22West said:
Cut the cord man...

I know. Easier said then done. I do care a lot for her.

 

[Ride22West]

Yeah, I can understand that. But you're clearly dealing with someone that's lost any sense of when drinking (and getting blasted) is appropriate.

Look at it this way...what are the chances that you'll still be with her in 3-6 months? If the answer is either "zero" or "if she does x, y and z we'll still be together", then it's time to go. You know x, y and z aren't going to get done.

 

[3268]

No, actually I was the drunken SO in the relationship. My actions were reinforced by the women in my life thinking that I was a fun drunk and not doing anything to help me recognise that I was out of control. I had to come to that realisation myself.

A close friend of mine was in such a relationship for a couple of years. If he was exhausted from his 12-16 hour work days and not want to go out on Friday night, then she'd go out alone and not come home for a day or two. It turns out that her activities during that time were somewhat predictable. When he finally broke it off for good, she blame it all on him for being distant.

You can't really convince someone else that they have a problem. They can only figure it out for themselves.