[padge206]

i know it's been asked before,
maybe in a different way, maybe not.

but i've often wondered how one
decides a person is a friend or not.
and when/how they start considering
them a 'close' friend. or is it all just a 'feeling' ...

like, when does one earn TRUST.

it's the "who, what, where, when, why & how"
of friendships. and the formation of them.

some other questions:
are family members automatic?
with those you consider friends:
do you have to know their last name?
do you have thier phone number either:
memorized, on speed dial or able to
find it within in 30 seconds or so?
do you know where they live?
do you know any of their family?
do they know where you live?
are they allowed to open your fridge
when the come over to visit?
would you let them drive your car,
house sit, pick up your mom from the airport?

(i'll stop here and see if this gets a response)

 

[RoadkillR6]

I am a really easy person to build trust with ( on the other hand I don't expect people to trust me right away :shrug ) I suppose I consider a lot of people I know to be friends where others would consider that to be just an acquaintance.

who: usually has something or someone in common
what: ?
where: not good with long distance friendships/relationships
when: like I said above, I am very quick to assume someone is a friend, I have gotten burned pretty bad before on this but I have also made alot of my best friends and current gf that way.
why: having a broad base of friendships is better than having only really knowing a small group of people.

 

[theJrod]

Didn't we go through this once a month?

 

[SilverSurfer777]

I think I'm your friend even though I never answer your calls, and I'm sure my number is on your speed dial.:laughing


then again there are people on here I thought were friends that aren't ..


and people who are my friends that I have in my speed dial that don't answer their phones when I call....hmmmm:confused

 

[padge206]

no... your number is just on REDIAL.
so when you're back in SNO or KING
county... can you call a brotha up?

 

[SilverSurfer777]

padge206 said:
no... your number is just on REDIAL.
so when you're back in SNO or KING
county... can you call a brotha up?

will do:thumb

hmmmph just redial huh??

 

[GixxerPete]

It's just a feeling. I have friends... different levels of friends, acquaintances and of course family. No, family is not automatic, but receives some benefit of the doubt and leeway perhaps not afforded to a "friend"? But that can be squandered as well. Trust does still have to be earned and maintained.

Trust and friendship go hand in hand. As friendships grow, trust builds and vice versa. But even then it's never cut and dry. There are different levels of trust even among people I would consider friends. There is not cut and dry rules about trust... I trust different friends on different levels based on my experience with them.

"Real" or "true" friends are the kind you can trust and rely on no matter what, and are rare indeed. The kind that would help you hide bodies, no questions asked.

And yes, a "close" friend you would definitely know they're last name, phone number, where they live etc etc. I can't imagine how you could spend enough time with someone to consider them a real friend and NOT know these basic things about them.

There are plenty of folks on CF who I consider friends, but riding buddies or acquaintances would probably be more accurate. Many I don't know their last name, where they live etc. Some of these acquaintances have turned into true friends however, which is great. Some likely never will, which is fine too.

Frankly I like having a large group of friends and acquaintances/riding buddies, vs what I had before CF which was a tight circle of close friends I'd known for years and years, but not much else. With the CF "family" there is always something to do, someone to ride with, etc etc.

Oddly enough some of my old friends complain that I hang out with my "biker buddies" too much. But the truth is they are all pretty much married with children (or close enough) and I'm not. So I didn't see much of them anyways cuz of their schedule, not mine. What am I sposed to do, sit around and do nothing and wait for the off chance they can break away from their family life some nite or afternoon to do something? I don't think so. And none of them ride, which is one of my favorite things to do.

 

[padge206]

AGREED! :thumb
(specially with the quote below)

i got the same slack when i was riding
all the time. tried to divide up my time
between 3 different groups. friends
for life - the body hiding type, friends
through an arts organization i am in,
and my riding buddies. i almost never
mixed the groups. and the true friends
never questioned my actions. they
knew i was doing what i loved.

thanks for the response pete.

There are plenty of folks on CF who I consider friends, but riding buddies or acquaintances would probably be more accurate. Many I don't know their last name, where they live etc. Some of these acquaintances have turned into true friends however, which is great. Some likely never will, which is fine too.

 

[RoadkillR6]

padge206 said:
AGREED! :thumb
(specially with the quote below)

i got the same slack when i was riding
all the time. tried to divide up my time
between 3 different groups. friends
for life - the body hiding type, friends
through an arts organization i am in,
and my riding buddies. i almost never
mixed the groups. and the true friends
never questioned my actions. they
knew i was doing what i loved.

thanks for the response pete.

I've been going through this for the last year or so.

What art organization, if you don't mind my asking?

 

[padge206]

I've been going through this for the last year or so.

What art organization, if you don't mind my asking?

it's the same way for me during the
snowboarding season too. in the past
i've been nowhere to be found unless
you were on the hill with me...

you have PM.

 

[Crimson9687]

I, in a way break all friendships down into a series of three categories...

Category 3: Aquaintences whom you dont know their last name, birthday or any type of specifics. You will most likely forget about them after a certain amount of time and not think much of it.

Category 2: Friends, not the body-hiding type but ones you get along with and invite to large gatherings. However, neither of you will call to sing eachother 'happy birthday' on the phone or really have an agreement to keep in touch.

Category 1: These are the closest of the close friends. You trust, confide and wholly respect them and the feelings are mutual. They will pick your mom up from the airport or you, theirs. Regardless of distance apart it is second nature to pick up the phone and call to either catch up on things or to hear a friendly voice.

To me, friends are the family you choose and have even stronger ties than blood lines.

Kate

 

[Krazy8z]

Crimson9687 said:
To me, friends are the family you choose and have even stronger ties than blood lines.

+1 Couldn't agree with you more on that statement.

I also have my tight knit group of friends who think this whole "forum" thing is taking up too much of my time. But I still make time for them, as they are my closest friends. They understand that riding is one of my hobbies and the reason I found new people to hang out with was not to replace them, but so that I wouldn't be riding by my lonesome come spring. Good friends *get* it and are happy for me.

As for trust, pete said it well. It's a feeling. I had a friend that I was close to for years...but I NEVER felt that I could trust her or that she would be there for me if I ever needed her. My feelings about that friendship came to light when she stabbed me in the back with my own knife. If I hadda felt like we had the trust element to our friendship, I would have been much more hurt in the long run. But yeah, it's a feeling...and you know when you are dealing with a good and honest person in friendship ...you just know.

 

[skinny_punk]

My friends are family, I have very few people I would consider as close friends, all the others are basically acquaintances. But there are things I would and wouldn't do for people based on my relationship with them individually. For instance, my wife is , well, my wife!, and my friends no matter how close would never be the same type of relationship. That goes for my son, daughter, mom, bro, best friend, etc. each person has a special place in my life and thus a special set of emotions that go with it.

To summarize, I perty much don't care for any of em'!!:redflip :redflip