Joined
·
2,820 Posts
These are old but what the hell, they're still funny. A little. 
Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool space ranjur of Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all yer.
Yer Frend,
Billy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawn care
specialist. How about I send you a fricken book so you can learn to
read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger, at
least HE can spell.
Dear Santa,
I have been good all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and
joy in the world for everybody.
Love,
Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
Dear Santa,
I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please,
I really really want a fire truck this year.
Love,
Joey
Dear Joey,
Let me make it up to you. While you sleep, I'm gonna torch your house.
You'll have more fire trucks then you know what to do with.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas I'd like for my
mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love,
Teddy
Dear Teddy,
What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's having with the babysitter?
Boy, shes a hottie. He's banging her like a screen door in a
hurricane! Let me get you some LEGOS instead.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, playstation, a train, and some G.I. Joes, a drum
set, pony, and a tuba.
Love,
Francis
Dear Francis,
Whos names their kid ' Francis' nowdays? What a *** name.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
your reindeer outside the backdoor.
Love,
Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the reindeer fart in my face.
You want to be a kiss ass? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE.
Love,
Timmy
Dear Timmy,
That whiney shit may work with your folks, but that crap don't work up
here. You're getting a sweater again.
Santa
Dear Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get in to our house?
Love,
Marky
Dear Mark,
First, stop calling yourself ' Marky.' Thats why you're getting your
ass whipped at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, thats a
low-rent apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside
your pad like all the burglars do, through your bedrrom window. Sweet
dreams!
Santa
Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool space ranjur of Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all yer.
Yer Frend,
Billy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawn care
specialist. How about I send you a fricken book so you can learn to
read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger, at
least HE can spell.
Dear Santa,
I have been good all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and
joy in the world for everybody.
Love,
Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
Dear Santa,
I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please,
I really really want a fire truck this year.
Love,
Joey
Dear Joey,
Let me make it up to you. While you sleep, I'm gonna torch your house.
You'll have more fire trucks then you know what to do with.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas I'd like for my
mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love,
Teddy
Dear Teddy,
What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's having with the babysitter?
Boy, shes a hottie. He's banging her like a screen door in a
hurricane! Let me get you some LEGOS instead.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, playstation, a train, and some G.I. Joes, a drum
set, pony, and a tuba.
Love,
Francis
Dear Francis,
Whos names their kid ' Francis' nowdays? What a *** name.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
your reindeer outside the backdoor.
Love,
Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the reindeer fart in my face.
You want to be a kiss ass? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE.
Love,
Timmy
Dear Timmy,
That whiney shit may work with your folks, but that crap don't work up
here. You're getting a sweater again.
Santa
Dear Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get in to our house?
Love,
Marky
Dear Mark,
First, stop calling yourself ' Marky.' Thats why you're getting your
ass whipped at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, thats a
low-rent apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside
your pad like all the burglars do, through your bedrrom window. Sweet
dreams!
Santa
