I am gonna get some MAJOR heat for this, but I really want you guy's opinion. I really care about a girl. I think I love her. She is just the greatest person for me. I love everything about her. I've known her for a long time but I hadn't seen her in several years until a few months ago. She comes over to my house a lot, and we spend a lot of time together. But here's the problem. She has a boyfriend. And here's the bigger problem that makes me look like an incredible douche. He's in iraq. I didn't start talking to her with the intent of having a relationship. But goddamnit, I really love her. She knows this. And she really likes being with me, but has a lot of guilt about it. I don't know what to do. I'm sure some of you will think I'm a tremendous asshole, but I don't care. I have been in several relationships, and this girl is really something special.
I need advice here.
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If anything happens, it's gotta be after her boyfriend returns from Iraq and their relationship runs its course.
If she likes you more than him, then she'll have to make that decision when he gets back home. Sucks, but if the situation was reversed, you wouldn't wanna be broken up with or cheated on while you were over in Iraq.
That's what the devil on my left shoulder says. The devil on my right shoulder keeps yelling out "fuck her. fuck her hard core. Screw her so long and hard she needs to walk with a crutch and she'll be bowlegged for a week." I'd listen to the devil on the left shoulder.
If she likes you more than him, then she'll have to make that decision when he gets back home. Sucks, but if the situation was reversed, you wouldn't wanna be broken up with or cheated on while you were over in Iraq.
That's what the devil on my left shoulder says. The devil on my right shoulder keeps yelling out "fuck her. fuck her hard core. Screw her so long and hard she needs to walk with a crutch and she'll be bowlegged for a week." I'd listen to the devil on the left shoulder.
What an excellent post :clap
Might I recommend exercising a bit of self control and listening to the critter left shoulder as well....
If you truly love this woman, you will treat those in her life with dignity and respect. No good can ever come of being "that guy" in this situation.
Besides, what is a little bit of time waiting for forever to start... it'll be that much better after waiting for it.
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16,959 Posts
Gee, I'm going to sound like a heel for this, but I'd say go for it.
If she really cared about her "man" in Iraq, she'd not consider having a social life while he's away. That she's interested in you only shows how devoted she really is to her "boyfriend."
Of course, that means she might be just as flighty when it comes to staying with you.
Sounds like she has problems making commitments.
If she really cared about her "man" in Iraq, she'd not consider having a social life while he's away. That she's interested in you only shows how devoted she really is to her "boyfriend."
Of course, that means she might be just as flighty when it comes to staying with you.
Sounds like she has problems making commitments.
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5,223 Posts
Honor, man...have some honor here.
You've got to walk, and right now. Once the guy comes back, if she wants to leave him and the two of you get together, that's cool...but don't do that to some guy stuck over in the sandbox. Two additional thoughts:
1. The karma from doing this to the soldier would suck.
2. If she'd do this to the guy in Iraq, she'd do it to you in a heartbeat.
Keep #2 in mind at all times. Look, you know this is a scummy thing to do, otherwise you wouldn't (a) be in a quandry about it and (b) posting here looking for advice/justification. Right? Actions like this are pointers, hints and outright signs about a person and what they'll do in the future. If she's ready and willing to screw over (and you know that's what it is) some poor bastard stuck over in Iraq...then you should take 3 seconds and think about the fact that if you and she are dating and she meets someone else...she'll go behind your back also, screw you over in the same way, etc. After all, she's already showed you that she will, right?
You've got to walk, and right now. Once the guy comes back, if she wants to leave him and the two of you get together, that's cool...but don't do that to some guy stuck over in the sandbox. Two additional thoughts:
1. The karma from doing this to the soldier would suck.
2. If she'd do this to the guy in Iraq, she'd do it to you in a heartbeat.
Keep #2 in mind at all times. Look, you know this is a scummy thing to do, otherwise you wouldn't (a) be in a quandry about it and (b) posting here looking for advice/justification. Right? Actions like this are pointers, hints and outright signs about a person and what they'll do in the future. If she's ready and willing to screw over (and you know that's what it is) some poor bastard stuck over in Iraq...then you should take 3 seconds and think about the fact that if you and she are dating and she meets someone else...she'll go behind your back also, screw you over in the same way, etc. After all, she's already showed you that she will, right?
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3,722 Posts
If it was meant to be it will be...Don't push and rush just enjoy the time together. If she has a boyfriend and they weren't meant to be she will remember that your patient. Don't be a rebound..
interesting concept... karma :confused
first of all, karma has to do with reincarnation, so if one doesn't believe in that... :shrug
second, in order to create "bad karma" you have to DO something. it's not his responsibility. don't treat the woman like she's a small baby that's easily fooled and can't make up her own mind on what she wants to do, and when. :nono
the poster has no relationship to the soldier. SHE does. if she's "bout-it bout-it", she'll remain faithful to the soldier regardless of what the poster says or does. if she isn't, then it doesn't matter whether she hooks up with the poster right now or after the tour of duty. if anyone would have to worry about karma, it would be HER, and not him.
in reality... all the poster has to worry about is
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Well RType, you and I will just have to disagree on the karma aspect. Akill clearly knows that what he's doing is (to say the least) questionable...otherwise he wouldn't be here asking for advice. He is considering taking a "wrong" action and going along with the cheating...which would lead to bad karma. Perhaps you've heard the old saw "it takes two to tango"? While the girl may certainly be deserving of bad karma for being willing to cheat (or in fact cheating)...Akill makes up the other half of the dance team. He's not just standing there while she screws over the soldier, and I'm sure he wouldn't be letting the girl do all the work in the sack. "She fucked me...I didn't do anything" :rolleyes If he goes along with cheating, he's equally deserving of a karmic smack upside the head.
And you completely ignored the simple fact that if this girl is willing to cheat on the soldier, it basically advertises the fact that she'll cheat (on anyone). For God's sake, you're seeing the instrument of future karmic retribution with your own eyes: Akill and skank cheat on soldier = bad karma for Akill. How long do you think it'll be until skank cheats on Akill (which she's already shown a willingness to do)...which would be perfect karmic payback on Akill.
Just say "no" Akill...tell the little head to quiet down, and find someone else. Or wait until soldier gets home and she breaks up with him. But as someone else has already observed...you'd better be very prepared for the idea that as soon as this guy gets back you might get kicked to the curb. She's lonely (and probably wants to get laid)...and you're a nice temporary fill-in.
And you completely ignored the simple fact that if this girl is willing to cheat on the soldier, it basically advertises the fact that she'll cheat (on anyone). For God's sake, you're seeing the instrument of future karmic retribution with your own eyes: Akill and skank cheat on soldier = bad karma for Akill. How long do you think it'll be until skank cheats on Akill (which she's already shown a willingness to do)...which would be perfect karmic payback on Akill.
Just say "no" Akill...tell the little head to quiet down, and find someone else. Or wait until soldier gets home and she breaks up with him. But as someone else has already observed...you'd better be very prepared for the idea that as soon as this guy gets back you might get kicked to the curb. She's lonely (and probably wants to get laid)...and you're a nice temporary fill-in.
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875 Posts
How serious is her relationship with her boyfriend? If it was me, I would back off but be honest with her and let her know why I was backing off. Let her decide who she wants to be with.
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238 Posts
If she is committed to the soldier, leave her alone.
Tons of good advise here.
Here is my nickle, and I might change my mind later.
Explain the situation to her and ask her what her feelings are.
Do not screw with another mans women unless you are willing to pay the price for your actions.
Think this whole think through. One thing I promise you, there are other women in the world that are as good or better than the one you are seeing now.
And as mentioned, she would do the same to you as she is doing to do to her boyfriend. You might just be the first stepping stone.
Maybe not though.
I have no idea, actually.
Tons of good advise here.
Here is my nickle, and I might change my mind later.
Explain the situation to her and ask her what her feelings are.
Do not screw with another mans women unless you are willing to pay the price for your actions.
Think this whole think through. One thing I promise you, there are other women in the world that are as good or better than the one you are seeing now.
And as mentioned, she would do the same to you as she is doing to do to her boyfriend. You might just be the first stepping stone.
Maybe not though.
I have no idea, actually.
interesting concept... karma :confused
first of all, karma has to do with reincarnation, so if one doesn't believe in that... :shrug
more like
"My Karma just ran over your Dogma"
Seriously though, if she is pushing the relationship with you at all, and you indeed go for it, then you should be prepared for what might happen if for some reason YOU have to be out of the picture for a while.
If their relationship is really built on trust, honesty, and devotion, then you won't be able to break it.
Would you feel the same way if her boyfriend never left?
Lots to consider here, but think with the head thats above your neck first......
One thing, I didn't mention in the first post that covers a few statements you've made..She won't do anything with me, not while he's over there. She feels guilty about her liking me while she's got this boyfriend over there. I've thought about the scenario Ride22 mentioned where if she does something with me while dating him, then she'd do the same with another while with me. But she's too loyal to do anything while he's there. I've been in a few serious relationships over the past few years, but I really just am scared by how much I care about her. She just has all of the qualities I look for in a girl. I'd gotten used to the thought that I would never find someone who I truly loved. So for me, this is amazing. But the circumstances are less than desirable.
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It's awesome that the feelings are there...but behind those feelings are a bunch of -ones...pheremones, hormones, etc.
Have a sit-down with her, and air this all out. You've got to decide for yourself (before "the talk") whether or not you're going to cheat on this guy though. I would recommend that you don't (do unto others) cheat. Regardless, get straight with what you're willing/unwilling to do, then sit down and talk this out with her. Are you even sure that she feels the same way (love vs. "I just wanna get laid") about you? It'd be pretty silly to get yourself all worked up about this if all that she's really interested in is getting some. Hey, it happens...women are sexual beings too. How would you deal with it if you guys started getting physical (and your feelings are what they are) and then when guy came home from Iraq she showed you the door? I'm guessing not well...so you should definitely lay your cards on the table with her ASAP.
Have a sit-down with her, and air this all out. You've got to decide for yourself (before "the talk") whether or not you're going to cheat on this guy though. I would recommend that you don't (do unto others) cheat. Regardless, get straight with what you're willing/unwilling to do, then sit down and talk this out with her. Are you even sure that she feels the same way (love vs. "I just wanna get laid") about you? It'd be pretty silly to get yourself all worked up about this if all that she's really interested in is getting some. Hey, it happens...women are sexual beings too. How would you deal with it if you guys started getting physical (and your feelings are what they are) and then when guy came home from Iraq she showed you the door? I'm guessing not well...so you should definitely lay your cards on the table with her ASAP.
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17,553 Posts
Life is short. Regrets suck...
+1 BG
+1 Papa Complex
Don't know the ages involved here but she has a boyfriend. If you make a move and she accepts ...RED FLAG.
Have your fun and walk away after a month or 2 after all neither of you are married. If you find yourself getting to emotionally attached to her have friend kick you squarely in the balls.
Now.....read BG's post and Papa post over and over again. Once you have them memorized, go ahead and make some memories with this girl.
If you REALLY want to do the right thing...get some pictures of you two going at it and send them to the boyfriend when he gets back. This way he won't waste any more time with a cheater.
Then post the pics up here. Be sure to photoshop a motorcycle in the background.
+1 BG
+1 Papa Complex
Don't know the ages involved here but she has a boyfriend. If you make a move and she accepts ...RED FLAG.
Have your fun and walk away after a month or 2 after all neither of you are married. If you find yourself getting to emotionally attached to her have friend kick you squarely in the balls.
Now.....read BG's post and Papa post over and over again. Once you have them memorized, go ahead and make some memories with this girl.
If you REALLY want to do the right thing...get some pictures of you two going at it and send them to the boyfriend when he gets back. This way he won't waste any more time with a cheater.
Then post the pics up here. Be sure to photoshop a motorcycle in the background.
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