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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I noticed so many children seeing the pictures of all of you. So I thought some advice could help (don't worry, my picture is coming soon, right after my bikini wax ... i hate unsightly pubes).

<B>RAISING BOYS</B>

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas...

Things I've learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR's do not eject "PB &J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

Those who pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without boys do it because:

a) For those with no children - this is totally hysterical!
b) For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control
 

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f4asg said:

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.


c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.

:crackup :clap :crackup

NICE!!

I've been to the ER 7 times with 2 boys and I even now have a game plan for which situations dictate ambulance and which situations dictate driving. I also have a driving plan after some experience...no stopping, flashers going, no apologies.

That being said, boys are just the best. Most excellent parting gifts from my marriage :D
 

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f4asg said:
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
I look in the oven every time I turn it on... not because of toys, but rather because Todd tends to forget and leave things in the oven (like a roasting pan... foil covered in beef jerky drippings...). Smoke is a bad thing.


Stillie said:
The ER visits are supposed to stop when you grow up? :laughing
Apparently not. :lmao


Todd's saying that I'm getting to be an experienced ER person. Now, I'm sure I'm jinxing it... but we haven't been to the ER since Donovan's chair surfing/forehead meeting stone coffee table trip last June (1 week after Todd's "I'm not too old to learn to ride dirt" trip).
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Todd is just a big boy at heart!

Look he rides a motorcycle for work. Nough said.
 

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> 3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

This can be used in your favor.

If you are in a large open restaurant and you don't want to wait so long, just tell the whiniest of your kids that it's going to be an hour... 2 minutes of my boy wailing and they will always seat us early. :nanana
 

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Not to criticize or pass judgement on any parents here...

But that person's boys sound like some undisciplined little heathens. As funny as some of those were...my parents would've had an entry about the number of smacks it took before their boy couldn't sit down. I did a lot of stupid kid stuff growing up but I damn well knew better to try most of that sh!t...even at 6.

For me and my sis, there was no getting loud...not in public...not anywhere.
 

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Betcha did it too, Bern . . . . :laughing

Do as I say, not as I do . . . ;)

I saw the devil in your eye in the pic of you and your son :D
 

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rekoniz said:
Not to criticize or pass judgement on any parents here...

But that person's boys sound like some undisciplined little heathens. As funny as some of those were...my parents would've had an entry about the number of smacks it took before their boy couldn't sit down. I did a lot of stupid kid stuff growing up but I damn well knew better to try most of that sh!t...even at 6.

For me and my sis, there was no getting loud...not in public...not anywhere.
It's amazing how many brats there are running around these days. :shake
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
jbeemw said:
I agree. Drive me NUTS. Kids need boundaries, not parents as their "best friends."
+1
 

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jbeemw said:
I agree. Drive me NUTS. Kids need boundaries, not parents as their "best friends."
I agree whole heartedly. In our family I'm the strict and consistent parent.

However, I am not above using my son's voice and the stereotype to cut 30 minutes off the wait time for a table... :redflip :redflip :redflip
 

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Don said:
However, I am not above using my son's voice and the stereotype to cut 30 minutes off the wait time for a table... :redflip :redflip :redflip
:lmao

There was a thread in the Grandstands that apparently pushed a few buttons...

http://www.cycleforums.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=210955

In there the "kids will be kids" attitude came up as an acceptable excuse for bad behavior.

I understand that kids will be kids... but there is a time and a place where that is acceptable... such as at a playground, an amusement park, the backyard, etc. A restaurant, store, dealership, etc are NOT places to accept that a kid will be a kid.

I love my kids. There are a few kids who are not mine that I like. There are a LOT of kids I know who just drive me insane if I have to be around them for a significant amount of time.

I know my kids aren't perfect... but they sure as hell are a lot better behaved and more respectful than the majority of the kids out there in this world.
 

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As for girls...I found 2 barbies on the grill 5 minutes after I started it...
 

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f4asg said:


8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
Yes, I will 100% determine if this is true.

Barry (off to google)
 
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