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Ladies love fatbuck's Cupcakes
17,553 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Hello Everyone!

Want to thank all of you who have taken the time and
trouble to send me your damn chain letters over the
past year. Thank you for making me feel safe,
secure, blessed, and wealthy. Because of your
concern... I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it
can remove toilet stains. I no longer drink Pepsi or
Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are
atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will
get sick from the rat feces and urine.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because
it causes cancer. I no longer check the coin return
on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle
infected with AIDS. I no longer use cancer-causing
deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on
a hot day. I no longer go to shopping malls because
someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since
they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and
don't support our American troops. I no longer answer
the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid
number for which I will get the phone bill from hell
with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and
Uzbekistan. I no longer eat pre-packaged foods
because the estrogens they contain will turn me gay.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are
actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or
feathers. I no longer date the opposite sex because
they will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in
a bathtub full of ice. I no longer have any sneakers
-- but that will change once I receive my free
replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus
since I now have their recipe. I no longer worry
about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
out for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my
every wish. Thanks to you, I have learned that God
only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to
seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
(Jeeze, the BIBLE did not mention it works that way!)
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a
sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the
1,387,258th time).

I no longer have any money at all, but that will
change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft
and AOL are sending me for participating in their
special e-mail program. Yes, I want to thank all of
you soooooooo much for looking out for me! I will now
return the favor.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200
people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with
diarrhea will crap on your head at 5:00 pm this
afternoon and the fleas of a thousand camels
will infest your armpits. I know this will occur
because it actually happened to a friend of a friend
of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a
friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's
8th husband's 2nd cousin's 3rd husband's ex-wife's
mother's beautician!!!

CF Lurker
999 Posts
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